So Safe

[Disclaimer: Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals]

When parents trust a young tutor to assist in their child’s education, it immediately provides the tutor with both a sense of confidence (“Yay they trust me”) and doubt (“But wait, should they trust me?”). I have played many roles as a tutor, ranging from teaching the newest of learners how to properly clutch a pencil and write their own name, to guiding students away from the precarious cliff known as expulsion, and towards the coveted realm of higher education. During my second year of tutoring, I was matched with a student named Junia, who was in a bit of a unique situation. And apparently, I was to be part of the solution.

It was 2006, and Junia was finishing up 8th grade. The details of this particular event were never made completely clear to me, but one day in April, Junia went up to the roof of her school and threatened to jump off. She had never done anything like this before, and though local police were able to successfully talk her down, it was tremendously frightening for her parents, the school and waves of local families. She was asked to sustain a week’s absence from school, and during that time, another girl from her class went up to the same roof, jumped off and died.

Junia and her family were stunned, and it was declared she would not return to school. She was scheduled to begin high school the subsequent fall, and her 8th grade year had to be somehow completed. This is when I entered the scenario, knowing very little. I didn’t know Junia, I had never homeschooled anyone before, and had little to no experience with a borderline suicidal teenager. I was 24 years old. I had just learned how to iron a shirt.

The plan was for Junia and I to work together for a few hours a day, four days a week, in every subject. However, I knew that a lot of what I was really meant to do was ensure that she was simply feeling stable, accepted and safe. My goal was to do whatever I could so that as she was preparing to head into high school, she felt as composed and prepared as possible.

Junia was an only child. Her parents were immigrants who spoke very limited English. She had a dog named Carolina who was obsessed with trash. An intense collection of polka dotted acne decorated her forehead, which she concealed with knitted hats made by skateboarding companies. She was generally timid, but the potential energy within her was palpable.

During our first session, it became clear that she was a smart girl who simply hadn’t learned much yet, and didn’t feel safe in her own skin. She had never written an essay, though she was quite articulate. She had a gifted mathematic mind, but knew hardly anything above basic arithmetic. She had retained approximately 0% of the science and history lessons her school had presented to her. We spent the spring not only filling in the gaps that glaringly protruded through her intellectual foundation, but also strengthening her sense of self-reliance and poise. We didn’t speak directly about the roof of her school, but we approached the fragility of her psyche from every academic angle possible.

I taught her about colonial America and the history of American immigration, and through that lens, we discussed her identity as the child of two immigrants quite extensively. We studied algebra daily, and this often led to profound conversations regarding symbolism and critical thinking. We read about the Big Bang, world wars, and evolution, all the while learning about Junia’s personal beliefs regarding the origin of life, the sanctity of peace and the mysteries that connect us all. After a few weeks, the knitted hats started to disappear, and by summer, her potential energy was noticeably transforming into something a bit more useful. She was thriving with me as her tutor, and she was legitimately excited about the upcoming school year as a freshman in high school.

I stayed by her side throughout the entirety of Junia’s high school career, which included prepping for the SATs and guiding her through the college application process. During my time working with Junia, I felt myself mature and grow not only as an educator, but as an individual was well. Prior to this experience, I viewed tutoring as a thing that I did, and parents trusted that I was capable of doing it well for some reason. Working with Junia taught me that I cared about both the journey and destination of my work. Being trusted with the delicate job of guiding Junia during this tumultuous time was meaningful, and the success of our time together solidified my passion for mentorship.

Years later, I was pleased to learn that during her sophomore year of college, Junia began a modest modeling career, and I was somewhat shocked to see her face all over billboards through New York City. There she was, looking so composed, so sure of her place in the world, so safe.